I'm No Damsel In Distress, But You Can Be My Knight In Shining Armor
by Musicismyblood
Summary: Human AU in which Max and Fang meet in a modern medieval setting. Kinda. As modern as medieval gets, anyway.


Human AU wherein Max and Fang meet at the Medieval Times (shhh, just go along with it)

And also, if you think I'm taking the piss with some of the things in what you're about to read, I have been to a Medieval Times okay. They actually say and do these things. Trust me. It's legit.

* * *

Max yawned. She'd agreed to chaperone Angel's field trip to Medieval Times at the promise of a medieval torture exhibit, but so far it'd been pretty boring. The long ride (and it was a _very _long ride) into Buena Park with a bunch of rambunctious, annoying children hadn't exactly helped matters.

Ella, who'd also agreed to chaperone, had slept through the entire ride. She could sleep through just about anything, which Max had told the kids when asked about waking her up. They must've taken that as a personal invitation to be as loud and as irritating as possible, since over the next couple of hours, Max went through screaming and shouting and just overall general obnoxiousness; not to mention the off-key, ear-piercing musical performance of trashy pop songs that had had her wanting to deafen herself.

And then there'd been the extraordinarily huge gift shop that they stood around in for way too long. Angel poked her arm, pointing at two of her classmates, who were brandishing light up swords at each other and yelling.

"And that's why you weren't allowed to buy actual swords," Max told her.

She'd thought the teachers were joking when they'd said no sword buying without parental permission, but no. It turned out they sold actual, legitimate swords. At beggaring prices, but still. Swords.

It got slightly more interesting, once they'd entered the enormous, somewhat Hogwarts themed dining room. It also apparently served as the show room, judging by the giant sand-filled arena in the went through a lengthy, educational speech by an elderly man dressed as a king before anything interesting happened.

A white horse was paraded for a while, before a falcon and his handler came out. Ella followed him with her eyes, watching him with interest.

Max smirked, leaning over towards her. "See something you like?"

Blushing a bright red, she spluttered, "No! It's just… Falcons, you know? They're really cool!"

"Ella," she said drily. "You hate birds."

She turned even redder, muttering for her to shut up. Angel high-fived Max, grinning in amusement. Meanwhile, the falconer seemed to be having difficulties with the roars from the audience as his falcon circled over them.

"My lords and ladies," the king said hastily. "Our falconer is blind, and therefore very sensitive to sound. We ask you to please keep it down while he is presenting."

"He's blind?" Ella wondered, shocked.

"That doesn't seem very safe," Angel worried from Max other side.

Max dismissed it. "They know what they're doing, guys. Don't worry."

"Our falcon is named Gazzy for his abnormal surplus of gas, so if you smell something in the air, it was most likely him and not your neighbor!" The king chuckled as the falcon was called back.

Max snorted in laughter. "Gazzy," she repeated through chortles. The falconer bowed, the falcon on his arm gnawing on something, before exiting.

"And now," the king proclaimed. "I give to you, the realm's finest knights!" He rattled off names, knights shooting out onto the arena as they were called. Max found herself making very intense contact with her section's knight, his small smile making her involuntarily grin back. He was decked out in blue clothes, long black hair tied in a ponytail on a equally black horse.

He turned to face away as the king introduced him fully. "The Blue Knight from Casa Valiente!"

"See something you like?" Ella teased when he moved away.

"Don't mock me," she grumbled. Ella giggled, exchanging a knowing look with Angel.

She huffed. "Whatever. It's not like we'd ever date or anything."

Angel spoke up. "You should. Date him, I mean. Ever since Sam, you've just kinda been…"

"Single. And I like it that way." Max crossed her arms stubbornly.

She shrugged. "Suit yourself."

Much later, in between (extremely scripted) jousting rounds, it turned out the knights threw flowers at people.

And of course, Max got one. It's an actual flower, which Angel takes the liberty of sticking behind Max's ear. They don't let her take it out.

"It's a token of his love, Max," Ella told her cheerfully. "You can't just reject that."

She looked at Ella like she's crazy. "It's a freaking flower."

"Yeah. Of love."

Max sighed, looking up to politely thank the man serving her dessert.

Angel eyes her suspiciously. "You're being polite."

"Yeah?" She asks through a mouthful, "So?"

"It's weird."

Max shrugged. "Cookies."

"And what is the magnificent Cookie Master Max's opinion on these?" Ella asked.

"Dry. Little stale. Mom's are still the best."

In an announcer's voice, Ella declared, "Mom reigns supreme again!"

And then they fall silent because the knights have gotten into serious battles (even if they're still obviously scripted). And yeah, Max cheered some when her section's knight won his battle, but so did everyone else, there really was no reason for her sisters to be giving her knowing smirks like that. She opts for ignoring him as their knight goes into his second round.

He ended up winning the tournament and Max's eardrums are almost blown out by how loud everyone around her suddenly roared in triumph. He climbed up into the stands, grinning at Max before he asked her to be his 'queen'. And that sounded an awful like flirting to Max, and so she found herself willing the blush rising in her cheeks down as she accepted.

He chuckled upon seeing the flower still behind her ear, prompting Max to grumble at him to shut up.

"Our winner, knight of Casa Valiente and his queen of love and beauty!" the princess (who'd joined the performance sometime earlier) called.

"What," Max says flatly.

"The titles are kinda over the top," the knight admits. He handed a bandana of sorts with her title on it.

"Wow. That's a bit embarrassing."

"You'll live," he deadpans.

"I'm Max," she blurts suddenly.

Her knight smiled a tiny bit before she could even begin to feel mortified. "Fang."

She stared at him. "That is _not_ your real name."

"You don't know that," he replied lightly.

Any retaliations she might have had were cut off.

"I gotta go," he sighed apologetically. Fang waved, climbing out of the stands to lead his horse away, the show finally done.

"Fang," Max snorts, pretending not to be savoring the sound. "What a weird name."

"But you dig it," Ella sing-songed.

"Do not," she muttered. Max dragged both girls off to the torture exhibit, the bandana stuffed into her back pocket and out of mind.

It was only on the way back did she remember the thing, going over the day's adventures. She tugged it out of her pocket, eyes falling on a phone number scrawled messily over the cloth. _Call sometimes. You know you want to._

"Yeah," she muttered, lips twitching into a smile. "Yeah, okay."

* * *

Shit ending. Eh. You know, I have reached a no fucks given attitude at this point so. You will deal. And I just want to say right now: this story is finished. Because I know if I don't, someone out there will put this on alert and then I'll feel bad.

Don't you dare do that, you hear me? Don't. Do. It.


End file.
